MRS Tijani paused intermittently to regulate her emotion as she told her story. The 31-year-old mother of three told Lipstick how she suffered aggression transfer in the hands of her 33-year-old
husband whom she actually courted from her teens before eventually tying the nuptials at 26.
Trouble began when her husband lost his job a year ago and then took up another— battering and forcefully sleeping with (raping) Jennifer. Jennifer had become pregnant and that seemed to have infuriated the ‘jobless’ man. Twelve-year-old Esther is another victim. Born into an indigent family of six, her mother had given her out to a relative in the city of Port Harcourt, having been assured of a brighter future.
She had not even the slightest premonition that her little girl was being taken across the border to the Republic of Benin for sex trade. Esther became a sex slave, locked up in a very isolated hotel where men of different shades and sizes exploited her sexually.
The true life experiences above are only a hint of the gory tales of women and girls globally, particularly in third-world countries; at least one in four Nigerian women has been a victim.
Violence against women and girls is rife today than one could imagine, and it of course comes in different shades, with domestic violence topping the list and affecting women regardless of education, economic empowerment or level of freedom from misogynistic traditional practices when compared to the days of yore.
Radical steps
However, some women, many encouraged by enlightenment, are looking ahead and preparing their young girls for a brighter future where oppression will be minimal, if not totally absent. An example is Mrs.Evelyn Okere, a Lagos-based oil & gas magnate, who believes women who are strong-willed and able to defend themselves are less likely to be violated.
In her opinion, just like serial killers, perpetrators of violence know their targets and these are usually vulnerable women and girls.
She said: “They go to the weakest of women. An aggressive man for example will never marry a strong-willed woman because he knows she will always stand her ground and defend herself to the letter. They go for women who are submissive to a fault, who will say; “I don’t want him to get angry oo”.
“In the same vain, a woman who’s skilled at karate or wrestling (for self-defence) for example, is less likely to be violated. Even if she is, the culprit can be sure he is likely to get hurt even though he might be stronger. So, you see, perpetrators of violence go to the weakest of women.” For her, women must be reoriented early in life and their self-confidence should never be compromised.
“We need to start early. All these girlish things we tell our daughters have to change because the more the society advances, the more the vices are higher. Most parents are failing to instil self-esteem in their daughters, nannies and even house-helps. Some step-fathers go as far as sexually harassing their step-daughters and the mother keeps quiet just because she feels the man did her a favour by marrying her.
“If the trend must change, then girls should be taught to stand up for themselves so that they say no to any form of violence or oppression,” Evelyn advised.
Economic pressure:On the prevention of domestic violence(spousal abuse), Mrs Helen Nwabuoku, Programme Director, Genesis House, an arm of Freedom Foundation for the rehabilitation of sex workers and women in general, however believes that any man who has to pay through his nose to marry a woman and still single-handedly foots bills in the home, is likely to become violent if his sources of income suffers even the slightest setback.
“Traditional leaders and in fact parents must embark on a drastic reduction in the conditions given for marriage. Otherwise, some men will continue to see women as their properties.
“Another fact is that women who share responsibilities in the home, and still show some respect for their husbands, are less prone to domestic violence. The Bible in Proverbs 31 tells us that the woman goes out, finds a field and buys it for the family. She doesn’t necessarily have to buy the family a house or land,” Helen said.
Challenging women to let their economic power reflect in the affairs of their homes, she said, “Only a few men will foot every single bill in the home and not become aggressive when frustration sets into their career or business. You just have to understand that the society and economy is putting more and more pressure on them and the closest person to let down their anger on is the women in their lives. So, why not cushion that pressure as you seek to reduce violence and achieve equality?”
Reorientation: On her part, Benin-based Gender, Education and Development Consultant cum President, African Women Empowerment Guild, Dr Nosa I. Aladeselu, recommended that since violence against women and girls is consequent upon gender insensitivity of some male folks, harmful traditional practices, wrong cultural beliefs, son preference, human rights abuse, and a host of other factors, the adoption of best practices would help stem the trend.
Culturalbeliefs
“Gender sensitivity education for traditional communities, self-esteem training for women and girls , use of male positive deviants to reach male folks with messages to counter violence against women and girls, policies and deterring sanctions against violators of women’s rights, media campaigns against the phenomenon with radio and TV dramas and films portraying its ills, can bring about new standards.
Because it is also strongly propelled by mindsets, family-based educational strategies will be of huge impact while school-based learning will also help to raise a new generation of non- women abusers.” Dr Aladeselu hopes the new curriculum with adolescent sexuality education will do justice to that.
Religious leaders: One of our respondents, Mrs Funke Oguntuga, CEO, Heartminders Project, however harped on the indispensable role of religious leaders towards building a society where women will be respected and not regarded as second-class.
“If violence against women will be reduced, then religious leaders should do more in their various places of worship. They should teach respect for women and girls because they are one of the most revered influencers of public opinion and lifestyle,” she emphasized.
Funke added that access to services in education, sexual and reproductive healthcare, protection and finance should also be increased so that women and girls can seek help and advice when needed, to be able to make informed decisions.
Call to action: Described by the United Nations as “any gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or private life,” violence against women such as rape, female infanticide, sexual harassment, domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence), obstetric violence, acid bath, mob violence, as well as harmful customary or traditional practices such as inhuman treatment meted out to widows, honor killings, female genital mutilation, battery, marriage by abduction and forced marriage, etc., continue to trend unabated, leading to death for most victims.
It will shock you to hear that nearly half of women killed in 2012, according to a WHO report, died at the hands of a partner or family member.
Preventing and reducing to the barest minimum this epidemic however means tackling its root cause- gender inequality, and this year’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women’s “Orange the World” initiative flagged off globally yesterday to kick-start a 16-day call to action against violence, harps on the need to create a brighter future, as implied by the colour ‘orange’ for women and girls.
Reason forviolence
The truth is: violence against women is not inevitable. The same way perpetrators and even societies choose to commit violence, they can choose to stop. Though no straight-jacket solution can apply as there is no one single reason for violence against women, the invaluable support of men and boys in curbing the trend cannot be over-emphasized.
As such, all four respondents recommended that parents must teach respect for the sexes. These basics must start from the family. They should also realise that any male who grows up seeing the father and mother work as partners in progress in the home and living as ‘friends’, will hardly become otherwise.
Above all, government, as well as law enforcement agencies and the judiciary, should live up to their responsibility of protecting lives by making sure there is improved access to justice and that perpetrators are brought to book.
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